You are a lying scumbag, but no-one cares because there's always that other side of you that seems to be so darn nice. In 2003 you will use your bipolar schizophrenia to secure a job as head of baggage screening at a major airport. Wary of lawsuits and civil rights protests, you will ignore the big dude with the black THG tee shirt and the funny sounding name, and make sure the fat couple from Iowa gets their Reeboks scanned twice. After a few months, the stars are going to be right for you to venture out on your own. You can set up your own security software company, and send out press releases about the threat of total Internet meltdown when you discover the 4,458,475th hold in IE. Remember, being two-faced is like having two lives with just one set of taxes.

Cancer June 22-July 22

You'd just love to crawl into your shell this year, and forget about all the stuff going on around you, but unless you want to end up as an appetizer at Red Lobster, you get off your ass and go get a job, mister! Okay, so you are not a big shot management type, and a layoff doesn't mean you end up with a year's pay in severance because, you play golf with the CEO's little brother, but that shouldn't stop you from asking for work at the local meat packing plant. Your degree in computer sciences will probably get you the day shift. Graduate school is for quitters.