New Year's Resolution

Here, in no particular order of importance, are our suggested resolutions for 2002.

When presented with a choice of Carmen Electra, Peace on Earth, and an nForce board for Christmas, we resolve to choose the former for purely practical reasons. Peace on Earth is unattainable and apparently, so is an nForce board. So, go with Carmen and play it safe. We resolve to avoid doing moves on the dance floor that are best left to professionals. Some people shouldn't be allowed near a circuit board with a soldering iron, and some people just should not dance at the office Christmas party. Some people should resolve to spend more on next year's Christmas presents. I mean how many Dilbert books is enough, and frankly, I never liked the dweeb in the first place, and just because I work here doesn't mean I want to laugh at cubicle workers, and whatever happened to Calvin and Hobbes? We resolve not to throw things at relatives at family gatherings, especially Christmas. Even if they ask you to get them a free graphics card because they can't imagine what you do with all the hardware you test. All THG editors resolve to use the spelling check function in Word despite its total lack of sympathy for technical acronyms and silly company names with capitals stuck in the middle somewhere ridiculous. THG email sorters resolve to continue their record breaking disregard of emails asking for technical support from readers. Sometimes the tears well up in the eyes, and you really want to give a hand with his DOA mobo, but then, what is this life and this site about if not the pursuit of frustrating configurations. We resolve to take seriously every press release even when we know that it was written to keep the CEO quiet and off the back of the PR agency and marketing folk. So, roll on announcements about "strategic alliances" and CEO sightings on television. Give us all you got, dude! Everyone going to Comdex should resolve to bathe regularly. Not a biggie, but worth mentioning. The sparse attendance and a lack of ventilation finally put the nail in the coffin of a show that masked its atmosphere in hype until its comeuppance in 2001. Everyone smells pretty good at E3 by the way. You resolve to vote in our Readers' Choice Awards - NOW! We resolve to admit that Halo does not a console business make. This kind of hangs off the back of our resolution of assuming that people who swear by their console are either 12 years old or in regression therapy. Let the games begin. We resolve to admit that in our technology rich society overclocking is fast becoming an anachronism. Apparently, Martha Stewart's Guide To Overclocking is in the works. Says it all, dude. We resolve to love mobile networking because sooner or later it's going to be determined as a cause of some form of cancer, and then, it'll be too late. It could stimulate the economy, too. You can never have enough lawsuits as our General Counsel likes to say. We resolve to love Linux, but not to make love to Linux. With AMD and Intel going full guns at the 64-bit thing, servers are going to be way coooooool! That's cool in a relative sense. Servers are never cool, figuratively or physically. Right? Everyone should resolve to get a better power supply. Preferably, one that can also power a small suburban neighborhood. That should do it. We resolve to make more videos. Our next video is In Search of Tom, narrated by Leonard Nimoy, and slated for an airing on the Discovery Channel this spring. If we want to take the heat sink off the CPU then we'll take it off. We resolve to burn down our labs and the offices next door in pursuit of the truth, people. You resolve to read the whole article before you comment on it, and furthermore, you resolve to read the whole article before you comment on a comment made somewhere else. It's good for the soul. And, you can't fault independent thought, can you? We resolve to eat more fatty foods, watch more television, and to smoke often. Actually, that's not strictly a resolution, but we needed something in here that we knew we could stick to for the whole year. We resolve to love our fellow man, geek, and enthusiast. At least for a few weeks before we tire of the whole idea and get back to being cynical and opinionated. Okay, make that a few days. You resolve to practice acts of random kindness. Better you than us. Now, go be nice, and have a Happy New Year, dammit!