As most gamers know, when you pick up a sparkling new Nintendo console, you expect a high-class Mario product to find its way onto the market shortly thereafter. This well-known recipe dates back to when time began, when dinosaurs roamed the earth (namely Atari and Intellivision) and that pesky meteor named Nintendo crashed and wiped them all out. Since then, games have never been the same. Unfortunately, Mario never changed since the initial impact.

Okay, that’s not entirely correct. Actually, it’s a huge exaggeration. Visually, Mario took a huge punch in the graphics department when the Nintendo 64 flooded the market, donning a new polygonal body and hanging up that flat 2D outfit. However, like a Hollywood actor refusing to age gracefully, additional modifications may have kept the aging plumber from slipping into retirement, you also know he’s getting up there in the years, and eventually he’ll find himself smoking mushrooms and wondering where all the time went. Yes, Mario is really pretty in his latest instalment, Super Mario Galaxy. He may even be dreamy to some. But, for those of us who have seen him day to day over the years, we know what’s really underneath the sugary glaze: hard pixels.

And despite the improvements in the graphics, one has to wonder when Mario will actually be free from saving Princess Peach. After all these years, after all the hairs that have grown on our backs or between our toes, our favourite Nintendo plumber still carries out the same mission. What is the deal here? This chick keeps finding herself in the same situations over and over, and he’s always on her tail, pulling her out of hostile scenarios despite the various themes. Save me, Mario save me.

Blah blah blah.

Let’s get real here: you’re getting old. I’m getting old. The objective in Mario games is getting old. Why can’t these two just get married? Why can’t they have kids? Why can’t gamers have something new and fresh to experience, a storyline we have not experienced in a Mario title? Make something drastic happen to a key character that will have gamers talking for years on end. Give us great action that does not require luck or cause damage to household electronics (namely the TV). Let’s have something fun.

Obviously, you can tell where this is going. You’re an intelligent, informed mammal. You can tell when fun ends and utter stupidity begins. Super Mario Galaxy is a wolf in sheep’s clothing: pretty on the outside, perhaps even tasty at first, but beastly on the inside. For some gamers, that’s a good thing, bringing hardcore platform gameplay in heavy doses like huge shots of crack. Throw in an untamed camera running wild with the virtual environment and you just may want to stick an electric drill in your eye, and still enjoy the experience. But because Mario isn’t quite adult-oriented in appearance and content, you’d expect the game to be intended for generating lots of fun, and not inducing high levels of stress.

But hasn’t Mario always been a little stressful? Certainly. There is nothing wrong with challenging gameplay. But when the engine’s camera plants itself behind a tree and refuses to budge, and Mario decides to take a flying leap (literally) into the black chutes of death, you have to wonder why camera controls are still a problem in 2007. All of a sudden, the 2D side-scrolling platform versions of ancient times are starting to look more attractive - like that old girlfriend/boyfriend you used to think was ugly but now doesn’t look too bad. It doesn’t matter if the latest console gives Mario a new facelift, or if the new control scheme provides a better way to master his cool grooves. If the basic problems endure, or the overall storyline never changes, why should a gamer even bother shelling out money for new franchise instalments?

Because we’re fools, that’s why. We can’t help looking into those big blue eyes and feeling tingly in the tummy. We must have that new Mario experience. We keep coming back to these games with insane gameplay situations found in titles such as Super Mario Galaxy: they’re highly revolting but addictive at the same time. It must be our primitive need to conquer everything. Still, Super Mario Galaxy will probably be a keeper, and will probably be loved by most across the galaxy, perhaps even the universe. But, before this review moved into a positive light, the storyline and the camera demons needed to be exorcised.