Then, there's that damn e-commerce thing. You have got to believe that most of this interactive television stuff is going to be aimed at getting you to buy stuff, or offer market research so that someone can sell you stuff, all from the comfort of your living room couch.

How much shopping do we need to do from a sitting position?

Screw the new economy. This is bad for our health. Our, men's, health. You can sue tobacco companies for the addictive nature of smoking so, I think we should be able to sue Internet companies for trying to stop us from actually getting off our butts and going somewhere.

"Your honor, I'd like to state for the record that over a period of three years, I was extolled, encouraged, badgered by USA Today, Wired, Playboy, C/NET, Wall Street, and hounded by my ignorant friends to get a digital television hook-up, subscribe to an interactive television service and do everything from the comfort of my own couch. In said same period I noticed by derriere grow at the rate of 23% per month, my waistline expand 19% per month, and my weight exceed the limits set down by the Geneva Convention for Obesity, if in fact, there is such a thing. There should be, if there isn't, but you get my point. I am a big blob because of these so called entrepreneurs and visionaries. If they're so smart how come, I ask the court, they could not see the damaging effect their business practices would have on my bottom. Furthermore, I'd like to sue all online grocery firms for making it possible for me to have all food supplies delivered to my place of rest, on said comfortable couch, in said living room, thereby removing any opportunity I may have had for motion. I lost my job, although I made a decent enough living monitoring chat sites for a Tourette Syndrome charity, and my wife left me some skinny Berkley post-graduate with a song in his heart, and a business plan in his back pocket."

I rest my case.