As IT professionals, we all appreciate the value of optimized hardware, the best, tweaked software, and the cleanest code. When a computer is slow, we inject it with a new lease on life by giving it more RAM or a better graphics card, or perhaps by overclocking the processor a bit. All that is great for the computer - but what happens then to us poor professionals, who have to slave from early morning until late in the night on these energetic beasts?

There comes a point in every programmer's life when the strings and tags no longer make sense, the eyes feel heavy and the fingers numb upon the keyboard. We here at THG appreciate how the daily wear and tear takes its toll on the human body. Just as we believe that with enough liquid nitrogen anyone can go to 6 GHz and beyond, we believe that you too can be given an energy boost to take you through those long crunch nights. You know, the ones when the spit has hit the fan, you're a day off deadline and have to go hunting for a single tiny bug in 100,000 lines of code?

Of course, as far as we know, there have been no documented cases of someone going for a week straight on various caffeinated and sugar-based drinks. So to minimize the risk to the continued production of quality content on THG, we've hired a half-starved, highly expendable freelance journalist who'll do the whole test for us on the cheap. And of course, we'll do it protected by a contract that does for us what the EULA does for game makers when their copy protection scheme gives your computer an aneurism.

So, without further ado, let's meet Mr. Aaron McKenna, experienced freelance journalist and newly minted caffeine addict.