Want to win a graphics card? We gotta write this before we go to lunch, so don't expect miracles...

13:30, having worked over the usual 1pm lunch hour start, somebody in the higher up nether regions of Tom’s Hardware tells us that there’s two graphics cards to be won and a newsletter to gather names for. Before the already delayed lunch. So, allow me to be the first to tell you to click on the link below. Please ? We won’t get fed unless you do.

No ? Still need persuading ? Tight f… Anyway, the two cards on offer are a Sapphire Radeon HD3870 and a HD3850, and the only price of entry is your email address, so that we can send you our no doubt wonderful newsletter (can you eat it ? If you printed it on edible paper maybe.. ? This feels like one of those TV shopping channels… YOU BUY NOW ! ONLY THREE LEFT !!! Please, for the love of all that is good in this world, let us go to lunch, sign up now, win win, etc. I’m so hungry…)

If you don’t, we’ll trace your IP and come round to… Eat what’s in your fridge. Yeah. Take that. We’re getting a whole two days Christmas holidays to do it. You’re just going to be screwed when we turn up to sit down with the in-laws Christmas day. Mess with your tree, steal the kids’ presents and give them woolly jumpers and socks in return. So, instead, maybe you want to win a graphics card ? Seems like an easier prospect.

Can you tell we’re very hungry and at least one of the editors writing this is drugged up to his eyeballs ? Yes, the winter months are harsh on our sickly technology editors. [It’s antibiotics, in case you were wondering. He had them fed right into his veins last week. No joke. –Ed] So, for your chance to win, CLICK, CLICK NOW. God I’m so hungry... I could eat my colleague...

If all that didn’t convince you, here’s a joke : Why did the feminist cross the road ? A. To win the graphics card B. To let me go to lunch C. Why shouldn’t she ?

Answers on a postcard to the usual address, the usual address being contained within our newsletter, which you can subscribe to (as well as being in with a chance to win stuff) below. Let this be a lesson to management to never, ever, bloody ever make us work late and then do even more work, particularly anything requiring a modicum of creativity and persuasion.

14:01, we’re going to lunch 14:02, crap, now we’re going to lunch. 14:05, why am I still here ?

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12 comments
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  • becauase your dumb? :P
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  • Be nice! Didn't your mother ever teach you if you don't have anything nice to say, you should at least say it with correct grammar?? :P
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  • You're not funny.
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